continental drift

It's been a while since I tangoed with these old keys.  Two-faced Time - that rebel, that devil - has been perfecting its frenetic chop-change between days gone in minutes and minutes lasting days.  You see, we've boxed up all our 'remember whens', donated all our 'what's this froms' and set our loaded packs on one last time. (For the time being.) 

Half a decade.  Half a decade away from my native shores.  Half a decade of city-country-crossroad-culture-career-circumstance-crusade-corollary-craft-craze-curiosity-careening.  Of new dialects turned familiar, of novel foods becoming everyday, of questions I hadn't known to ask being answered, of decidedly different ways and means simply becoming ways and means.  Of stepping outside my reality, my point of experience.  It's been half a decade of drift, one lesson and continent to the next.  And what a half a decade it was - enjoyed, educated, emboldened, enlightened. And now,

ended.

It's back to the fifty nifty, the semi-prodigal daughter (my extravagance was miles, not pennies) returning to learn her future.  An unblemished slate, not marred with set plans or careers or locations.  Our oyster, America!  Time to make a home in a home, get a job I aim to keep, keep my thinking global but my energies local.  

The difference in a nomad and a traveler?  A point of return. The privilege of being local.  Having your near and dear actually be... near. We're making the shift.  

How do I feel?  Thrilled, nostalgic, apprehensive, hopeful, apathetic, intrigued, ambitious, tired, reluctant, enthusiastic, positive, anxious, energized, optimistic.

Ready.

Lucky there's no cap on emotions.  

'You're outta here kid.  You've had one too many.'

But the sign on the door didn't say I couldn't mix.  No surgeon general warned me five a day's okay, but fifty's overindulgence.  We are back in the Land of Plenty.

Fortunate then, to be welcomed back to Plenty with plentiful tunes from those cool cats striving to keep Austin weird. Tip of the hat to you, SXSW, for easing the entry with closed eyes, local brews, and rhythms that won their conquest for my [e]motion.  Good people, good music, good to be back.

[Sorry no camera has accompanied the journey to our new land of my youth, but the phone tries, it tries.]

One for the road from my favorites of the weekend, Leftover Cuties.  Swoon over that so musically swoonable trumpeting accordionist with me.

- xx

mama didn't raise no sheep

As a child, her mother would thrust the tools of creativity into her arms. Brushes and pastels, crayolas and chalk, fingers if none of the above suffice. Just give the girl a palette! The gift of choice.   

"Screw the lines kid. Paint the town red, yellow, magenta, ochre. Just paint."

Well now mama's little girl is as grown up as she'll get and showin' off how good a good lesson sticks.  Conformity, non-conformity - you're missing the point.  When hunting for beauty you don't look in boxes. 

Hearts, dear friends, not boxes. 

These images from Harper's Bazaar shook my Sunday and I hope they send shivers yours as well.

Now how's about some tunes to go with?  I've been stingy here with music of late, keeping it close, listening low, rapt, focused. Tapping toes in silence so no nuance is missed. But that's wrong of me - it's not ol' music's m.o. Without further ado, indulge in one of my favorite skillful indulgences and shake the frame ya'll.

'It's just I drink only that which makes me thirsty.'  

Happy Sunday.

- xx  

cabin fever

Cabin fever.  The blues.  Doldrums.

You all know it.  Not Jack-Nicholson-in-the-Shining level madness, just that twingey, niggling feeling.  Frustrated, restless, anxious.  Trapped.  Maybe you feel stuck at your current underwhelming job and want to make a move.  Maybe you can't find a job, although your days are dedicated to trying.  Maybe you're surrounded by eyebrow-high stacks of snow - or at least the cold that accompanies it - and you miss warmth, outdoors and natural lighting.  Maybe you just haven't left town in too long, and town is feeling mighty claustrophobic.

We in the Northern hemisphere all get this way around this time.  Something about short days with little daylight seems to bring out our doubts and insecurities more than any other time of year, even though we've almost made it through the long winter haul.  I've been indulging in my fair share of cabin fever as of late, and while I can't fix whatever life scenario may be plaguing you, I am a strong believer in distraction as the best fever medicine.

So here's what I propose:

1.  Move 

 I know, I know, everyone's always throwing 'exercise more!' at you, but are you really going to deny you could use the endorphins?  Walk outside, run outside, cycle outside, skate outside, ski outside, ride a horse outside, swim out... okay, swim wherever you can that won't kill you.  You were designed to move.  Outside.*  Chances are, you're not doing that enough.

Outdoors an icy vortex bent on freezing your extremities and soul?

Indoor classes are great if you can swing them, and they have the added benefit of being social.  New people!  Novelty is our friend.  Check craigslist or the YMCA for cheap/free options.

If not financially or logistically possible, delve into the world of free online videos.  Zumba, pilates, kickboxing, yoga, learning Michael Jackson's dance moves - it's all there.  Try to find something that entertains your mind as well as exercising your body.

(For example, I look for Zumba videos in German, because I find it terribly amusing to hear the phrase, "Das ist booty bounce!" emanating from a muy suave Latino man.)

2.  Make something 

Better still, make something you don't already know how to make so that you must learn how to do it first.  You may even have to make it multiple times to get it right.  Try your hand at a pineapple upside-down cake**, knit a scarf***, learn how to make a GIF and then make an amusing one, build yourself a bookshelf, perfect your favorite origami animal, learn to play whatever instrument you can pick up for the least money on craigslist, make Tarot card readings for all your friends, plant a winter herb garden, sketch your pet or mother or lover (whoever sits still the longest), write and film a short movie.  

Me?  I'm a coursera junkie, so I'm learning to make life cycle assessments to judge how green a product is.  I'm also making some (bad) music on the guitar I'm clumsily learning to strum.  And I'm making a blog, but I suppose you knew that already...  

3.  Get in touch 

Find people you haven't spoken to in a while but wished you had.  Then, call them, write them a letter or send them an email.

You are strictly limited to these three modes of contact.

Why, you ask?  Social media undeniably has many perks and benefits, but points of comparison are not among them.  Everyone portrays the choicest versions of themselves online, the lives they want to be living.  At best, it may intimidate you out of getting back into contact, because you'll worry that your friend doesn't have the time.  At worst, you'll get envious of their 'perfect' life and decide that they won't be able to relate to your current discontent or feelings of inadequacy.

Both are bullshit.

That person would LOVE to hear from you.  It's just the truth.  I've had a 'life update' email recently from someone that I only knew for a couple months over four years ago, and I was ecstatic to receive it!  Who wouldn't be?  Who is too busy to feel pleasure at reconnecting with someone?

And who has a perfect life?  Really, who?  Get in touch so you can hear about how that adorable baby you've watched grow so sweetly in your newsfeed actually pukes on all their favorite sweaters and hasn't let them sleep in months.  Gain some real perspective.  It will simultaneously distract you from your own issues, and make you appreciate all you have that's going well.  Like your rekindled friendships.

Added bonus: your old friend has once again become your friend, no timestamp necessary.

4.  Plants

 Get some life in your interiors.  At home, at the office, in your car, wherever you have to spend a concerted amount of time, make sure there is something to remind you of life, mother nature, greenery, and beauty.  Flowers are great, cacti are hassle-free, you can grow your garlic or sprout your potatoes if you feel cheap or uninspired, just get ahold of some green.

5.  Music

This is the time for classic rock, 90s pop, ridiculous boy bands, reggaeton, any member of the Jackson Five, New Orleans brass, Edward Sharpe and his feel good entourage.  Whatever is going to get you involuntarily tapping, nodding and shimmying along with the beat.  Listen to music your parents loved when you were a kid, listen to bands with messages of love shacks and kodachromes, steamrollers and crocodile rock, fat bottomed girls and old time rock and roll.  Even hurting so good or doves crying are fair game.  Just don't sink into the emo world of one downbeat per minute, punctuated with moody musings.  If a band sounds like they could list Coldplay, Alanis Morisette or the movie Garden State as an influence, cabin fever is not the time.
(NPR concurs - try this playlist!)

6. Insert euphemism here

Just going to say this:
There's a reason nearly everyone you know was born in October or November, and it ain't just Valentine's Day.****

7. Write lists

 NOT 'gosh I'm so busy' to do lists.  Tread carefully on this one.  We're trying to build up, not bog down.  Make a list of something tangible that you know you will do, and will get enjoyment from.  Visiting your family sometime this year? Make a list of places in your home state that you've always wanted to visit or revisit.  Like books?  Make a reading list and then delve right in.  My love and I are planning a farm someday, and we make lists all the time of what we will grow, green features we'll include in the house, documentaries to watch, resources to consult, the works.  It's productive, it's a plan, and it makes it all feel more certain and concrete.  

Not what if.  When. 

 

Don't make lists of things you want but can't afford.  Don't make lists of things you'd rather being doing but can't.  Don't make lists of places you want to go, but don't imagine you will.  

None of those are useful, certain, or permanent.  Energy is wasted on negativity.


So there you have it.  Let me know if the fever subsides.

- xx

------------------------------------------------

*We are plugged into too many screens and unplugged from our natural environment.  A big part of number one is aiming for a happier balance.

**I have thought of you, unsalaried person who thinks I'm only rambling on about options that require a viable income.  If cake ingredients are too rich for your blood, what about tortillas?  A bag of masa is something like 27cents, you probably have water already, and it's much harder than it looks.  Plus, if you go wild and spring for some cheap canola oil, you can make homemade tortilla chips out of all your failed attempts.

***Same audience: buy a sweater from goodwill and unravel it for yarn.  [Is that even cheaper than yarn?]  Whittle your knitting needles out of some tree felled by all these crazy storms.  Seriously, knitting does not have to be an expensive project.

****Just to be clear, I AM NOT encouraging you to have a baby.  I certainly hope that by this point you do understand what I am encouraging.  

amores perros

Meet Tom.

Tom is a hulking mass of canine goodness.  A gypsy in a former life, he was found wandering the streets of Cardiff two years ago, rummaging through bins and back gardens for his meals.  He almost was the dog that wasn't, as his boisterous bouncing nearly bowled over dear Granny, most honorable member of the Committee to Acquire Canines.  But after eighty plus years, nails have nothing on this lady for toughness.  This woman breathes wisdom.  She declared yes; that was that.  Tom the greyhound was rescued, adored, cherished forevermore.  Aside from a gluten intolerance (yessiree, a canine celiac), an adeptness for thievery and an unfortunate penchant for sheep, there's nary a bad word spoken about this phosphorescent hound.

Quite the opposite.  Tom forces you to take time.  Time spent outside, time preparing meals, time companionably lounging, time recording memories, time living now.  One of my favorite things about my love's family home is losing touch with The Screens.  Mobile?  Haven't seen it for hours.  Laptop?  Around somewhere, I imagine.  Most recent episode of Girls?  Perhaps, but there's newspapers to read, board games to play and an omnipresent set of ears that need scratching and photographing.  Tom may not be the cause of my de-techification, but he's certainly a catalyst.

'Borrowing' a dog has taught me the Midlands better than my own beloved Texas hills.  Feeding the  need for novel canine stomping grounds has led to many a fine field and riverside.  This dog has taught me new ways to communicate, to speak to animals, if you will, and a lot more about my in-laws in the process.  Ears perk instantly at the call to tumpies (supper).  Vigorous wagging ensues at the mention of  butwanajits or bindy (sausages and bacon).  Anxiety is soothed by slowly murmuring, "Stoooooooooooooooones, Tommy.  Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooods."

 Copious wandering?  Exotic languages?
Why, owning a dog is a holiday.

(Dog owners, allow me to indulge.)

I believe, I may give up everything for one of these to call my own.  No more constant nomading, no more life of crossing continents, no more chasing the unknown 'round the next bend.  All for a hopeful pair of eyes, an extra swish of a tail and a daintily drawn out snout.  

Wouldn't that be practical?  Wouldn't that be gaining more than losing?

Observe.

Tom helps me work:

Tom helps me play:

Sorry, I meant outdoors.

He obviously loves fashion, no?  I'm smitten.  With conviction, I do solemnly swear:

I want a dog.

What about you?  What do you romanticise about?


A tune to help you ponder...

- xx

[Photos by my love and I]

First outfit: Vintage blouse, vintage levis, vintage brogues
Second outfit: Vintage Gloverall duffle coat, Free People sweater, vintage Victorian slip, vintage boots 

black ice antidote

This week, I've been tangoing with a new... acquaintance.     

A devilish character, she's a chameleon who slips her way in clandestinely, no matter the place or time.  Cold she is too, with malevolent intent for all who tread too close.  Sometimes even black.  A duplicitous, black intent.  

Lady ice, why are you so stealthy?  Announce your presence, claim your turf boldly.  I'm tired of the feeling of falling.  Your yang, Sir Frost, has no trouble announcing his presence, though he's as silent as could be.  When in a rush, I don't have time for ginger-toed testing and anxious penguin shuffles.  I want to stride.  Texas taught me boots are made for walking; you're challenging my well-shod truths.

(And my apparently not-so-well-padded tail bone.)

After this week, I need a rest from your freeze.   I need brightness and lightness and barely-there wear, and sheer cottons and cutoffs and feet freely flying.  

What's more, I need a touch of decades past 'cause Mama Sheryl said it best:  

I need to soak up the sun.  

And yes oh yes, dear Sher-bear, a change would certainly do me good.      

Have a toasty weekend, loves.

- xx